Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Creepy Victorian Children

While doing some research for a story recently, I became distracted by photos of Victorian children. They are almost all horrifyingly creepy, others are just... well... hilarious.

Here is a small selection of my favourites:


Danica has been planning the murder of her aunt for a good ten minutes at this point. Not only did her aunt insist she wear the fugliest bow in the history of hair accessories, but she also gave Danica that bear for her birthday - even though it was clearly flee-ridden and even though Danica had quite specifically asked for a set of dueling pistols. I assume that shiny ball she's holding will be the murder weapon - I shudder to think beyond that.


30 seconds after he took this photo, Alphonzo regretted giving shovels to children.

Mistakes were made.


It should be clear to anyone looking at this photo that Clara is a witch. Right now she's having a vision of the photographer's demise at the hands of an angry clown. She may or may not tell him to avoid circuses as a result. It depends on how long he insists she sits still.


Maddie just hit the 30,000 word mark on her NaNoWriMo novel when her mother insisted she take a break for a photo. Maddie refused to stop writing until her mother took her pen by force. Her mother will pay later. First Maddie will kill her off in her novel, since this is no time to stop writing, later, however... shit's gonna get real.


Ralph and Timmy didn't intend for the day at the beach to turn so violent, but they got sand in their stockings (in all the uncomfortable places) and then had feelings.


Ms Sampson was telling the class about her relationship troubles again. She showed them her new Tinder profile and asked what they thought. They all agreed she might want to include pictures of anything other than her cat, but said nothing.


Twins and a dollhouse? This one's too easy. Obviously the dollhouse is an exact replica of their home and obviously the family just can't seem to keep a governess. It will always be a mystery how, exactly, Miss Daintree managed to drown herself in an empty bath.


Gerald and Sebastian heard one of the servants whisper the phrase "The One Percent" in tones of loathing and perhaps a hint of rebellion. They did not know the plebs could do maths and were momentarily concerned until a delivery arrived with the new leopard skin rug Gerald bought for the 7th bathroom. Retail therapy makes everything better. They'll deal with that servant later...


This one is courtesy of Amy Jo Cousins, who wisely observed that all these kids are zombies. Thomas, the boy on the right, is Patient X. The outbreak has not transformed them completely yet. It's a slow moving, insidious virus. Yesterday, Thomas bit the head off a bird - yes he was already a little demonic - triggering a human-bird-zombie mutation. This morning he bit his siblings. The photographer is next. By tonight, the entire household will be hunting for brains.

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I have more of these I might share the next time I have a deadline looming... In the meantime, do you have any favourite creepy Victorian photos? Please share! As you can probably tell, I'm taking procrastination to the next level and could use all the help I can get.

xx
Helena

7 comments:

  1. THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST HILARIOUS THING I HAVE EVER READ! Oh my God, my stomach hurts. You are too funny. Just too funny!!!! I have to share this. Ohhh...that was good. LOL God, you're funny.

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  2. I'm still laughing! I wish I could post photos in comments! I have some extended family portraits that would fit right in. :)

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    1. Oh poop! I didn't realise images won't go in blogger comments. I really want to see your family portraits now! LOL! You'll have to send them to me on Facebook sometime... :P Or share a link here.

      I have an old family album too. It's even funnier when the creepy people are your relatives!

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